This post is very personal so please don't worry about it unless you have time and energy and faith.

This is a website I put up about two months ago: http://www.webpages.ttu.edu/jodiwils/

Today I found my ex's (who I discuss at the above website) response to my website: http://www.likehomecafe.com/praised.htm

The reason that I can't think straight anymore is because of this man, my ex. Because he is strange, he is different. He says that at a young age he was told he is an angel. View his myspace here (sorry if this is breaching confidentiality or anything....): http://www.myspace.com/megaknight

I just can't live without thinking about what he has told me. I've known him for about 4 years now. It's a long story that I don't want to explain right now, it's all on my website. Please, if you could, just read his response and tell me that he's wrong. There are a lot of different viewpoints on this message board, actually there are two. Sometimes I get confused which is the good side. Today is a very strange day, and I am scared. Please take time to look at what he says and do not be nice to me, you don't know me. Just read it and tell me if he is right. I want to know the truth and you guys have been a blessing to me before. Yes, I am praying and I will not jump to conclusions, I will be patient. Please help me because my life cannot begin until he is finally proven wrong. Or if he is right, well my life will be a lot different. Thank you, and I apologize in advance.

Hon, I don't have to read all that he has written, (I did look over it though) to get you to notice something here....

I don't know you and have never really corresponded with you before...I have seen you online here from time to time...

I don't know what you believe, how strong your belief is and what your belief is in...I am going to speak direct to you as if you are a believer in Christ Jesus the only Son of God, the Creator of heaven and earth...

YOU SAID:
"Please help me because my life cannot begin until he is finally proven wrong. Or if he is right, well my life will be a lot different. Thank you, and I apologize in advance"

AND:
"The reason that I can't think straight anymore is because of this man, my ex."

AND:
"I just can't live without thinking about what he has told me."

AND:
"Sometimes I get confused which is the good side. "

AND:
"Today is a very strange day, and I am scared. Please take time to look at what he says and do not be nice to me, you don't know me."

I picked out key things you said as they speak louder than anything your husband can say to you or about you...The only way I can say what I feel lead to say is to just say it and pray you receive it with love and not offense...I am going to touch on each statement I picked out that you said concerning your life.

First of all, we all have choices. The choices we make for our own lives affect the outcome of how are wellbeing is, our relationships are established, our thought processes, our over all life and what comes in and our of our lives.

The first thing:
"Please help me because my life cannot begin until he is finally proven wrong. Or if he is right, well my life will be a lot different. Thank you, and I apologize in advance"

Our lives do not belong to us, they belong to God. By saying this very thing you are choosing to live in death and make your life about a man instead about God. This is a choice you have made, it is not set in stone and can be changed. It is up to you. Finding justice in proving he is wrong is not correct either...There is no earthly justice...The only justice that sustains us is the justice God holds the right to use in judgment...
Is your life going to all of a sudden become a bed of roses and full of sweet smelling air if your ex decideds one day to say, "Hey I was wrong and you were right!!!" What then?
Don't allow this man or any person for that matter chose your path in life...God can only give us a true path by the calling He ordained over our lives and by allowing Him to mold us into the person He created us to be...I don't believe for one second that the all loving Creator created you to drift after this man and make life altering choices as you have...


"The reason that I can't think straight anymore is because of this man, my ex." BECAUSE "I just can't live without thinking about what he has told me."

I put these two comments together because this is what is consuming your life and your thoughts...We are to cast down all vain imaginations...In Phillippians 4 the Word tells us to think on those things that are pure, right, lovely, admirable and praiseworthy...The enemy has come in and he has you consumed with thoughts that are bringing death to your soul, your spirit and eventually your body....Thoughts are powerful and what ever thoughts we allow our minds to be consumed with we shall become those thoughts...If your thoughts are not lined up to the knowledge and truth of the Lord, this is the effect....Your suffering needlessly..


"Sometimes I get confused which is the good side. "

I just can't imagine that confusion is better than a clear an receptive to the Word mind...This lie you need to cast down and never again believe that confusion is better....I rebuke that thought from you right now in the name of Jesus...Confusion is not from the Lord, and I am telling you right now you need to see this for what it is a lie....Wake up, right now in the name of Jesus, wake up!!!!


"Today is a very strange day, and I am scared. Please take time to look at what he says and do not be nice to me, you don't know me."

The Lord does not send us a spirit of fear, this you need to reconize right now in the name of Jesus...I rebuke that spirit of fear from you right now in the name of Jesus...You don't need to be afraid or scared when Jesus has your back....Out of all the things I see you laid out on this forum is the fact that you want us to abuse you with our words because we don't know you..NEVER will one person on this forum ever abuse you or anyone else that reaches out in such pain as you have done....This shows the hurt that you feel, and you know what! It's not okay to be abused....I will fight with you to help you be set free from this bondage that enslaves you so...Stop seeking after those things that bring you hurt and begin to seek after things that heal those hurts...JESUS!!!!

Father I thank You for hearing my prayer as I lift this dear sweet person to You right now in the name of Jesus...Father help her reconize that she must lay down all the hurts her ex-husband has done to her...Heal her heart and begin to work in her mind...Give her new thoughts, consume her thoughts with love, peace, and joy...Father I ask that You show her mercy and grace and give her the time to heal...Move mountains in her life Father so she can see You working...Not so to build her faith, but to show her You hear her cry...In Jesus name I pray and I ask....amen...

Enemy! You get out of her life right now in the name of Jesus...You rights to her are nule and void from this point on...She is covered in the Lamb's blood washed cleaned and made whole...I rebuke you out of her life you have not right there or here....IN Jesus name....amen...

I took the time to read your story. What I read, is just a lot of hurt and confusion, that is not of God. Pray that God will give you peace and clarity of thought. Put your life in his hands and he will direct it to firmer ground. You are precious in God's sight. No matter what mistakes you have made, forgiveness is always waiting for you, if you humble your heart and ask God sincerely.

I will pray for you as well. Never stop believing and never give up hope.

I am praying for you along with Pamela and Don. I looked in your site, and saw a confession of sin, and a desire to grow closer to the Lord. Hang on to that! I looked at your ex's site long enough to know that the venom he is spewing is not godly, in any shape or form. He is using profane language, insulting not only you but others. (He comes across as a prideful, narcissistic, egotistical, judgemental, fanatical man with borderline personality disorder.)

Once you have been washed clean of your sin, you are clean. Do not buy into the deceits of satan, as he will try anything he can to cause you to fall back into sin. Stay away from anyone who will cause you to stumble while you are new-born! You are very valuable to Jesus. He loves you so much.

Ask yourself this concerning your ex. Would he die for you as Christ died for us? Would he wash you clean as Christ did? Or does he prefer to cause you pain and suffering, and grinding you into the filth of your past sins? None of us are righteous. All of us have sinned. I know I have, so welcome to the club. I can now look to my past as just that- back in my 'lost' days, sinful, horrible days that used to cause me a lot of pain, too. I have grown beyond the pain, though, in Christ.

Keep praying, repenting, and living for Christ, one day the pain and doubt will fade, and sooner than later.

Your sister in Christ, Angela

Your ex reminds me of one of the SECT of the Pharisees... who rewrote the entire O.T. and called it Talmud and pretend to know the hidden things of God, so much they believe they are superior to God!! (BEURK!)
In Essence, the Pharisees were calling themselves WHAT THEY WERE NOT (the Synagogue of Satan! )

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Rel...osed-part_2.htm

The reason you are confused is because you are wasting yourself on alcohol, smokes and wild living and watching movies like 12 Monkey.
It's time to take responsibility for your life instead of blaming others like your ex.

Did you read my posts on baptism here.
http://www.christian-forum.net/index.php?s...9766&st=10#

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and do his commands and you will find peace and security in your life.

There is too much bad blood between you and your ex. Avoid him. Do not think about him or read his web site. Put your mind on positive uplifting things not on those things which are destructive and negative.

My dear sweet sister...I didn't go there as l've already read some of your situation.

I've also come to know the Lord is close to you and is working in your life regardless of what the outside of the cup looks like to others right now. Hang in there honey.

Here's the biggest piece of advice l can give and one that l know is from the Lord and is Godly.

Delete my space. Never go there again. Don't go to his either.

This will be hard but l believe it's a word from the Lord.
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Father thank you for your ever patient hand of mercy....

The one that puts me to my knees in order to raise me up again.

The one l've come to know over the the years...that lifts me up and wipes my tears...

Father continue to work in this childs life and make yourself known in her deeds l pray in Jesus name. Rescue the lost again and again for us Lord and Thank you!

Dear sweet unconditional, self-sacrificing, godly love (isn't that what your name means?),

You know when I was a little boy, I used to love to play in the dirt, so much so that my uncle called me "pig pen" but I took a bath and washed it all away. Today there isn't a trace of that dirt left, I'm clean as a whistle (after a shower, cause I still like to play in the dirt, only now I call it gardening). No matter how much dirt we get into God so graciously gives us the opportunity so simply wash it all away and be clean.

To be honest, I was a little overwhelmed by your story, but true to my word, I prayed for you just like I said I would and God gave me a verse for you. It was the first verse I memorized when I was only 8.

Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


I am praying that goodness and mercy will follow you.
I am praying that your head will be covered in oil and your cup overflowing.
I am praying that you will walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil.
I am praying that your soul is restored as he leads you in the paths of righteousness for his names sake.
I am praying for you to lie down in green pastures beside the still waters.
I am praying that you shall not want because you follow the Lord your shepherd.

I wasn't going to comment again, but I wanted to say this. The above verse is what a regular board member posted for me when I first began to tell my story here months ago. I definately think it's a good way to end this.

Thank all of you for replying to me. Just a few minutes ago I took steps to begin taking my myspace account down, I just don't feel comfortable there anymore, and I was called back here to see that scripture posted. I have given a lot of myself to the Lord over the past few months, and this is just another area that I have realized that I have an issue with. I really didn't realize that I had to let it go and give it to God, but I am doing that now. I think I'm realizing what worry really is, and God is just teaching me to not fear and to just trust Him. So thank you all dearly for your prayers, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for prayers from loved ones throughout my life. I will remember you all as well, you are all a blessing.

Sweetie l know you're going to do well. Watch and wait. The Lord will speak.

AGAPEaNg. Hello. Reading back through this thread I see I was the first to respond to your post. I can see how I may appeared insensitive or indiferent to your story.

Truth is I never read your thread starter until just now. I want you to know I was in a hurry when I first got here, and I just grabbed a thread and posted in it so I could get to ten posts.

Now having read your story, I will pray for you as well. There is some wisdom in peoples reponse to you, so I will not add anymore insight. Just wanted you to know that my first time through I just came in and posted, and the second time I slowed down and read your post. I'm rambling...

Dear AGAPEag....

I haven't been on in a long time but have seen you post before.....

Fear, panic and worry use to rule me for many years even when I was Christian saved by Grace. But, what I didn't know until more resently last 20 years....is that our emotions can "rule" us......I never really thought of it in that light before. When I walk in the flesh....my emotions rule me, but when I choose to walk by faith in the Spirit and be obedient to the what the Lord is teaching me in His Word, my emotions don't have the upper hand nor do they rule me.

When I give in to negative thoughts and memories from my past I can mull them over in my mind and heart....but when I do this they "come alive again", and those old feelings of hurt and pain surface right to the top "because I allow them to" this causing me more pain and hurt and the more I think on them the more hurt I get. This happened over and over again in my life.

Until a dear friend in the Lord gave me some advice. First she asked if I had forgive these people, and I replied yes that I had. Then she said, you have two choices....you can let your emotions rule you.....or you can rebuke those thoughts and memories and take those thoughts captive to Jesus Christ and say that they are under the blood and refuse to think aobut them. You can allow fear and worry to rule you too or you can give them over to the Lord.

So I took her advice......the first day.....I had to do it a lot....but the next day it was less and so on. Now when it happens which is not that often now as it use to be, I take them to the Lord. And I start praying for others. And I do this with worry...and fear also. I can't tell you how freeing this has been for me to not walk in worry and fear all the time. I made a choice to trust the Lord... in ALL THINGS NOW. Does that does mean that when things happen I won't be fearful or worry? No.....but it does means I have not made a friend of them and I do not encamp with them and they are not allow to live with me anymore.

We here all have sinned at one point or another some greater some lesser......we all sin daily......hopefully not in bondage to the same sins. But, we all fail, now and then. We all trip over our tonges, say something stupid or thoughtless but we don't have to live there in that space of time.....that's what is great about new beginning every morning. We get a new beginning every morning to make it right.

There is only one voice to listen to....and that's Jesus. It doesn't matter what others think of us....but it does matter what Jesus thinks of us. I have found that if I am walking with Jesus everything else fall into place much smoother.

This dog is long in the tooth ( meaning I'm old...ha ha) and I am here (alive today) because of God's Grace....and all that I am and all that I have is from His Loving Grace.

I will keep you in my prayers.....peace and comfort to you. God Bless<>< marie