Dying To Be Heard

For eight years l was lost in a maze of halls and doors that led to no where. Following one rabbit trail after another l was led ever deeper into the mysterious world of the occult and magic. I was lonely and frightened. I tried to tell people what was going on but I was rejected one humiliating time after another. Instead of finding the peace and love I was looking for l found isolation from family and friends and a lack of personal worth based on teachings not grounded in personal love.

Years later on my knees before the Lord l lamented having never read the Bible. Hand Book for the Humanistic Astrologer, The Brotherhood of Light, A Yaqi Way of Knowledge, but not the most important book of all. I knew l would resist mere Christianity but I begged him to help me in spite of myself.
I wanted him to be my Lord.

He immediately brought me into the servants roll of working the with developmentally disabled. Instead of serving my own wondering desires l served him. What a blessing to volunteer!
The little Chapel at the state school for the retarded seemed safe to me after what l had just been through. Kind of comforting in a way. I knew l could muster the strength l needed to work there. Sunday after Sunday l would go. Wheeling the crippled but feeling crippled myself.

Later he would bring a mentor into my life. Together we burned my books. This women had crossed the bridge before me. Holding the light, she pointed the way. Cautioning and encouraging. All while fighting her own battles and demons. Her great example taught me how to hold the light for others.

With the help of this friend and Christian television l began to grow strong in the Lord. My wounds began to heal as l watched how others like my self had been touched and delivered.

After six years of service at the school l found my self pregnant with my first child. What joy! I was 36. Could it be? My husband insisted l quit the school. "It was dangerous" he said "to work there carrying a child". Two years later another child came along. Still no church. I was lonely and isolated again. I wanted to go, but where?

The Christian preschool down the road seemed the right choice for the kids. They were old enough.
It was natural l attend church there. My husband reluctantly approved.

For 3 years l attended but no one made an attempt to know me. I was lonely and isolated still. l was plagued by demons from the past. I reached out to the older women in the church. They took me under their wing. I loved them. We prayed together. But still l struggled. There weren't many people my age in that church. My kids needed a stronger Sunday School program. But where? What religion? I worried for my kids.

A women from the preschool had been encouraging me about her church. They had a band and didn't use hymnals. As the music began to play the first Sunday l attended, l felt like l had finally found a place to drink in the peace and safety of the Lord. Now l could receive first hand what l had only been able to watch on television. A home church. I felt like l could really belong.

Women's Bible study was a huge step for me. I felt like l was going in for surgery but didn't know the Doctor. I had been there twice when they asked me to give my testimony. Heart pounding l stepped to the front. Out of my mouth poured all my personal life experiences.

From that moment on l was marked and naked. I so wished l'd never spoken. News travels fast in a small church. One day a lady said to me, Oh l heard you were involved in Satanism. To my dismay I found myself defending the New age movement as she looked on in a sly manner.

My marriage was rocky, further aggravating the situation. He wasn't a believer. Now Satan was coming in like a flood. I soon found out my place in the women's group. That was to be humble and quite. My questions seemed to alienate me further from the ones l needed most..

There was a fox in the hen house at that time. I felt sorry for her. She was very ill and needed someone. We talked for hours on the phone. I poured my heart out to her about many things. But something was wrong. Something was happening.

A bitter side of her began to show. She demanded and defended her territory within the women's ministry. She became angry and full of lying gossip. She whisper behind my back and others. She threatened to take my secrets to the Pastor. I quit taking her phone calls.

God had dropped another friend in my life. A kindred spirit. We had much in common but not in the area l needed the most. I was constantly being assaulted by the enemy. I had learned enough to know l was under attack but l couldn't seem to find the forum to deal with it.

I remember the day l died. It's written in my minds eye like the words on a tombstone.
"No one could help her".
I made a decision to pray. Every morning, early. Down on my knees l went. Broken.

But the enemy came. He thrust in his sword. The final blow.
An event to painful to recount. As l lay crumpled in a heap of tears on my couch,
l heard the Lord speak clearly......... "It's finished."

I was never quite the same after those days. A dead person walking. Totally relying on my Lord as he led me through the valley of the shadow of death. On we went together.

One day I realized l was coming back.
Laughter. A friend l'd missed.
He began to restore my soul.

Soon I began to discern the difference between the Lord's voice and the enemy's.
Still l struggled with resentments. How was it that it had taken nearly 15 years to surface from the darkness of my past? So much time wasted.

I felt like an old used car that had been repaired after a bad accident. It's resale value isn't very good and it's never really safe to take on a long trip. Besides that, Pandora's box lay empty in the trunk.

Though my church wasn't ready for me the Lord was. Through prayer he delivered me.
My wonderful counselor.

l'm headed for the finish line, dropping the last of the baggage as l go. I pray the fruit that spills out nourish those behind, finding the hope only the Lord can give.

Thanks Miki. God bless!

I can relate, in many ways thank you for your encouragement. esp. in slipping into the occult. God moves in mysterious ways.

I'm doing a study in my church right now called 'Waking The Dead' by John Eldredge. If the Matrix has been a big stepping stone for you then l think you will like the way Eldredge uses the movie as an analogues teaching.

I'm glad you've found encouragement in Gods love letter to us. The Holy Bible.
It's filled the supernatural power of his love, forgiveness and mercies.

When l got out of the occult l had to burn my books and renounce my involvement.
Fortunately God dropped a mentor into my life. Some one who had gone before me. I pray God will put someone in your path as prayer partner and friend. Blessing to you. Miki

hello miki,Through much suffering, we learn more and more not to lean on the arm of flesh. I enjoyed your testamony. some day I will share mine.Please pray for salvation for my son Rob and husband Ted.

Hi guest,

Glad you could relate to my testimony. I will pray for your husband and son.

Father l lift Ted and Rob to you and ask for intervention in their lives. Let your blood be their covering as the Holy Spirit draws them according to your will. Make yourself known in this family and even some day as you know us. In Jesus name we ask and believe it. Amen

Thanks for your prayers Miki,

Dear Miki,

Although I don't relate to your past, I do relate to the harshness that other "believers" showed you. The way you put it...... the women in their "territory" in the ministry.... I can relate to that.

It reminds me of the scripture about Jesus coming with a sword..... to divide the righteous from the unrighteous.

When you veiw your church as your family, it seems that those closest to you , hurt the most. It should not be this way. "The world will know that we belong to Christ, by the way we "LOVE" one another.

May we, in this forum (a new fellowship of believers) never let anyone doubt that we belong to Christ because of the LOVE we show eachother. Amen

Hugs to you.
Miche

Thanks Miche,

God has used offenses to test my heart. Do l really love my brothers and sisters?

God tells us to bare with one another. It's a good and necessary statement.

Lets all abide in love and long suffering!

Amen!

To Miki on "Dying to be Heard"

I enjoyed your testimony & others who responded. Praise God!!

For some time, my husband & I prayed for people in satanism & occult. We both didn't know much about it but had burden for those in such practice. I was encouraged & am still encouraged when I hear testimonies such as yours.

Also, by reading Rebecca Brown's book (a medical doctor whose ministry is deliverance & training of ex-satanists & occultists for the Kingdom of God) have helped me understand the tactics & tools of the enemies against the believers. Astonishingly, a lot of the believers use the same tactics & tools of the enemies against the fellow believers. It's grievious. May the Church of Christ be strengthened for the coming Broom.

Yes, Miche, let's stick together in fellowship of our Lord who brings peace & love.


More of Him,

Harp

Thanks for the tip on the book...

I agree. We are all subjected to be used by the enemy whether
we are saved or not.

It's one of the reasons we're told to forgive 70 x 7.

God bless you.

Hi all,

I would like to share an experience I had (this could be a testimony I guess).

On Saturday, August 25th this year, I was involved in a bicycle accident (once again thanks to Val and friends for praying for me!). It happened as I was entering a curve on a county road (riding with a neighbor) when I looked back again to check for trailing car. This time there wasn't a car, and when I turned my eyes back to where I was heading at 17-18 mph on my mountain bike, my front wheel dropped off a 6 inch drop off. I tried to correct back to the road (why, I don't know why??..) and ended up tipping off the bike, landing on to the road with my head (with a helmet) and my left shoulder, fracturing/breaking my clavicle (collar bone).

Here's where the testimony starts:

As I was sliding on my head/shoulder on the road in some pain, I had this total sense of peace. This continued while I finally tumbled on to the shoulder of the road, and finally stopped moving. Now, when we get hurt badly, as we are getting hurt not so nice words usually come out since we stop censuring ourselves when under pain/pressure. However, in this case, not ONE bad word or thought came to mind or out of mouth! I was in some pain and shock, however I was at PEACE! As the words reach my lips and mind "Thank you, Lord!", I started crying uncontrollably. It was at that I time that I realized how truly blessed I was to be a believer in Christ!

The entire time, I had this song in my mind "Yes, I believe in God" song by Rebecca St. James that kept going through my mind. Oh, what peace I have with the Lord!

Here's a link to the song in You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH_42SA89HY

I have shared this event with many people to help others know the PEACE that can be found in believing in Jesus!

It is my prayer that this post will touch you and strengthen your faith in Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Rich

Your story truly blessed me today! Praise the Lord He is so wonderful!!!

Glad you're feeling better Rich...give Dani a big bear hug for me!!

Many Blessings,
Lisa

God is really good to us!



One time l was carrying my bowling ball in the basket of my bike...I hate to tell you what happened when l braked..

I think I'm going to laugh all day at that Miki! What in the world were you doing with a bowling ball in your basket!? Oh you are too funny! You were a little girl right?

Thanks for the giggle...I needed that today!!
Love you..
Lisa

that cracks me up...

I think the picture gives me a good idea of what might have happened because of that bowling ball.


and I'm glad I didn't see Rich's crash... I was just the recipient of the phone call to "come get me" I've crashed.

Yes Rich... your post has touched me! The Lord has blessed me so much by knowing your beautiful family. Who would have ever thought that such a bond could be formed with so many miles apart. I look forward to hearing from you even more since you are posting now!


Love ya guy!
Valerie

Messiahiscoming

What a testimony Rich!

Thank you for sharing!