I feel like God is either not close to me or he does not exist. As hurtful as that might be to admit, but if God was truly here and was so powerful then why would all these horrible things that don’t make sense happen. Why would I feel so alone and the only way I can feel better is to seek some sort of entertainment for my body and mind, otherwise I would probably die of loneliness and depression. If God is truly here why it is so hard to catch even a glimpse of him and feel just a bit of the comfort that a Father should offer to his child? I choose to seek my own comfort because I feel none from Him. So here I am going into my emotions and touching that wound that has never truly healed. Why am I doing this to myself? Maybe I should just gratify myself with what I can get while I can get it and not cry about the lack of Him. But I’m not sure that I can do the last since my wound is opened again .

God does exist and he is close to you, in your very heart and mind. Go for a walk out in nature and you will find God surrounding you. The birds and the waterfalls are his symphony. Find a good church to attend and you will never feel lonely as you will a new extended family.

Your brother in Christ,

Don

Alex, Don is so right... He is right there with you. I know how you feel, I've felt that way many times (kind of like tonight!!)... I am praying for you!

Sometimes it feels as though He is so far away from you, when really, he's right there waiting for you to let go of all of your pain, worries, doubts & fears and trust Him to take them from you. He is there... He's just waiting for you to really seek Him.. to know Him... to have a real relationship with Him. Have you ever asked Him into your heart? Have you asked Him to forgive your sins? Once you do that you must believe (have faith) that He has forgiven you... that's the hard part.. the faith. Keep seeking Him... you will get your answers.

Many Blessings to you,
Love, Lisa

To say that He is right here is nice but to actualy feel him is not the same.

DO YOU READ THE WORD AND DO YOU WAIT ON THE LORD TO SPEAK TO YOU IN THE PEACE OF YOUR SUROUNDINGS

GARY

Alex, you know what? I have never felt the Lord's presence, though I did have a Holy Ghost experience when I was baptized... it was more goosebumps than anything, but nothing like that loving comfort that some people talk about. I used to feel like I was being ignored by my Father whom I loved so much, that maybe He was forgetting about me even when I asked so many times for His presence, His comfort. But you know, He doesn't always give people confirmation with his Presence, hoping you will continue to have faith. I am still waiting, and I know someday that I will experience it. I do pray He gives you this comfort tonight, something you will cherish forever!

That you bother to capitalize (H)is name like you do shows that you recognize Him and that you do believe deep down.

We all go through these things. I have been there many times. The best thing I would suggest is tell God your fears and what you may be angry at such as David did. Speak your mind, don't hold back. God wants to hear what you are feeling and He WILL respond in your best interest.

God doesn't want us just to recite boring, stale prayers. He wants to hear your feelings. Anger, love, whatever, it's real and reaching out to Him will help you. I've been there, trust me in that.

Don't gratify yourself with something that you'll feel ten times worse about when you come out of it. Numbing only works for so long and the problems in your head will still be there the next day. Call out to God, He will answer.

That's so true, Shaun! God does hear our prayers and wants us to draw near to him... if we draw near, he will draw near to us! It's a win/win situation!

...and I am convinced that nothing shall separate us from the love of God...


I have to say this every morning....every morning...I awake and need this...
because it is written...and it came from the mouth of God...and penned by
the prophet...what else is there to know...I posted somewhere else that I am
not a scholar...I believe(God help me with my unbelief) it is a process of
revelation...each from the place we came, yes? We each have different circumstances...yet we have called out to God, and we were saved, and we
believed that...dear one, for starters that is enough...you are saved, and
God loves you. Truth is I want to feel Him more, but do I do the things that
will bring me closer to Him? not all the time, like I said it is a process of
developing a relationship, and each one is individual and precious...I also
have to submit my ego/pride that would demand God to serve me in my
image...that is that dilemma...we are made in His image, and we want to
make Him in our image...because thats what we know...He will teach us, and
reach out to make it real, OK? He will...that's what He does...Ask Jesus to
come in right now, and start over...He loves you! Signet.

I used to feel how you do. I was severly depressed. I almost committed suicide. I actually had the barrel of the gun in my mouth. Thankfully I couldn't do it. It is so hard to see the goodness of God when you're depressed. But that doesn't mean he isnt there.

If you're depressed go talk to a doctor. He may prescribe medication and/or counseling. Granted the medication is pushed too much in today's world but for some people it is a valuable help. I take Welbutrin and I cut back my caffiene intake by about 90% and that made all the difference in the world.

Yes caffiene, it has a much more negative effect on me than even alcohol. I can drink a bit too much alcohol(I RARELY do that anymore)but still be in a joyful mood. If I drink too much caffiene it totally changes who I am. I become depressed, mean, irritable, and can't control my anger.

God is with us and he loves us, if it's depression that's keeping you from seeing him go get help. Prayers sent for ya.

That is a powerful testimony, Ducktapehero! Glad that you didn't follow through. Good advice too both on seeinga dr. for depression and on the Caffine thing. Caffine runs my blood pressure up and does the depression thing on me too!

alexseeker, GOD calls us to be of a SOUND MIND. You don't have to see HIM or feel HIM to know that HE IS REAL. Get into the WORD. READ it and absorb it. GOD will reveal HIMSELF to you.

Alex, I had a very personal revelation the Lord showed me and made me feel better for he spared me from what perphaps would be any Christian's worse fear.

Have you read Matthew 27:46?

Christ was in his greatest moment of need and he cried out for feeling he was abandoned by God (but I believe he wasn't). He knows this feeling very intimately. I feared for feeling abandoned but he said he knows this feeling first hand and I would be obliterated and smashed beyond anything if that same feeling were to visit me as it had him. For that matter to visit any Christian. He will never let that happen, so he will not abandon you. He knows the pain first hand that we could never bear. Trust in Christ, for he will lift you up. Love HB

Ducktape, wow... I'm so glad you are here with us...it sounds like you are back on track and the medication/less caffeine was a good choice! I totally agree with you on getting help. It made a world of difference for me too!

HB, that is a wonderful word!

Alex, how are you doing today? We care! And we love you.. though the one who loves you most, God... he wants you to draw nearer... Jesus stands at the door and knocks... open the door to your heart and let him in, he wants to be with you.

Sweetheart... You just answered your own question!

When l made a decision to really pray daily...(could you not tarry one hour)
all hell broke loose in my life. I was 40 years old then. It was the worst attack of my life...the worst summer...and the best...You know why? Because l persisted.

But l had a problem...

Every time l tried to talk to God l was led back to the same old wound. Boy it was hard to go there...Something that in all these years was still festering .

It took 3 months of going before the Lord before l was finally released from it. The Holy Spirit will show you how to be free if you persist.

Childhood experiences are the hardest. Sometimes you have to parent yourself. With the help of the Lord that is.

In other words....Be to yourself--- through the Lord---- what you need.

He is the Wonderful Counselor!

I guess maybe that's the refiners fire Jack...But once in the awfullest battle the Lord said "it is finished...It's never gotten that bad since. Maybe because something in me died...? You can't kill the same thing twice...Death...where is your sting?....

May I kindly just say this "Sometimes in a wilderness experience" we learn more than when we are "on fire" for Him. Sometimes He is just calling one to sit and be still and KNOW THAT HE IS LORD! He will hear you as you pray. I can confess "I have lots of wilderness time"...and then I DO eventually learn something "He has been trying to tell me...when I am trying to figure it all out myself! I think sometimes we really just have to wait and listen...

All of those here who have given to you advice...Listen, read the word..pray...and then maybe "just listen" and a word of love will come and then you can share with us all....A WONDERFUL TESTAMONY...I pray this in Jesus's name, amen! to you and be patient with yourself and wait on the Lord for your answers...He will come and help...this I KNOW is true, amen! your sis, hannah ALWAYS!!

PS If it is something "medically wrong" I agree "go seek a doctors help"...I have and am always glad that I did, afterall...He made doctors too! Right?

John 20:29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.



alexseeker, Be blessed of GOD, you are HIS Child. When you believed and have not seen Him...Put away the spirit of fear....GOD has called us into power, love and a SOUND MIND!

Praise GOD!

Amen Amen Amen!

The man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and a meadowlark sang.

But, the man did not hear.

So the man yelled, "God, speak to me"
and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But, the man did not listen.

The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you."
And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see.

And, the man shouted,
"God show me a miracle."
And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice.

So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here."
Whereupon, God reached down and touched
the man.

But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

The man cried,
"God, I need your help!"
And an e-mail arrived reaching out with
Good News and encouragement.

But, the man deleted it and continued crying.

Don't miss out on a blessing
because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.


May the Lord show himself to you in ways you are open to recognize!
Blessings to you!!
Love, Lisa

O but you are...he has broken you....to mend you...PRAISE HIM...for the aloneness you may feel is actually your heart yeilding to him.
GOD's BLESSINGS ARE REAL

Alex, how are you doing? We really care about you... hope you are feeling much better than the other day. Please let us know.

You shouldn't gratify yourself in material things because they don't last and when you die you can't take them with you. God said in scripture not to love the things of the world. I know because i used to be just like this always seeking things to do or things to get but it just dies out. I know you're going through tough time but maybe the reason you feel distant from God is because you have also distanced yourself from him. I know its hard sometimes but try reading the bible and praying more this will give you comfort because as you read the bible you learn all the promises God has for you but don't give up because maybe this is a test and plus every single minute that passes is a minute you can make it right before its your time. Plus hangout with friends that are good or maybe easier read scripture online. You're better than you think.

Hey all!
Wow!
\Thanks for all the replies!


Am I doing better?
Hmm well since I chose to ignore the loneliness and the possible bitter truth, I find substitutes for the pain then yea, I live. The deeper I dig the more it hurts so for now I don’t see the point in digging since all I get is pain.
The truth shall set me free I hear, but really the only freedom I have seen this truth bring to me was freedom from the world through death. Not that I want to die I don’t.
But then again my life is a mess so what is the point of running away?

Alex, remember YOU ARE NOW UNDER GRACE!!!!

I had a crisis like this the other day, maybe not that dramatic, but the Holy Spirit (that's him! put in my mind the song we had sung at church the sunday before and it isL

Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace THAT IS GREATER THAN ALL OUR SINS!

Now... WOW!!! I sing it every time now I feel depressed and it works!
The devil is a liar! And he surely don't want you to realize that no matter how good our deeds, we can never make up for what Jesus did for us on the cross;
that's grace for you!

Once we understand that grace is "unmerited, undeserved favor", that's it! We are on the winning side!

Hey Alex, stick around, will ya? It will be a glorious sunrise when the day of the Lord arrives

Your life is precious...maybe more or less chaotic or lonely or terrifying than
someone else's, yet it is all we have to experience this gift that God has given
to us...it takes unbelievable courage to live...add to it all the drama...trauma
and sometimes sheer boredom...this is the toil of life...and all experience
the uncertainties of life...

It sounds like you are sensitive and creative...these two gifts are like a
double edged sword...able to ascend into the heavenlies and taking us down
to the edge...this is why it is so important to surround ourselves with the
Word, read the Bible daily...stay away from TV as much as possible...
to satisfy our need for holiness and purity...We all have it, for some it comes
very simply and others profoundly encompassing depends on many factors
and how God would use our life full of frailty to impact another human being
with the beauty of who we are, deep inside...and speak with the mind of
Christ...the beauty that is within us...this is ministry...one to one...face to face,
and this is the place of beginnings, everyday, overcoming...this is sacrifice
unto God. And you are loved beyond measure...

Blessings,
Signet

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I am not sure exactly what you are going through and I hope that maybe I can help with some small words of encouragement. Some people go through lower lows than others. I have suffered with trying to overcome an eating disorder for the last 17 years. It is not severe like it used to be, but I do not think I will truly get rid of it. I also struggled with alcohol for 12 years in which I stopped November 2004. My biological father recently tried to get a hold of me and he said he wanted to sleep with me. I have been raped, and almost been run over by a car by my so called boyfriend. I was left in Las Vegas in 2001 by a man I dearly loved and I felt as though I should end it all right there. I am struggling at work with people who are constantly trying to get me fired. I just remember falling to my face one day and crying uncontrollably and telling God that I did not want to feel this way anymore. He came to my rescue and I truly feel what it is like to love Him. I feel as though my soul is ripping out of my body and I feel such joy I am filled with tears. Never have I felt this and I feel as though I am closer to Him for these hard times that I have gone through as I can truly realize that He felt all of this on the cross. He felt this misery that I felt...this abandonment, this horrible destruction that people were trying to do to me. And you know what? I resolved after that that I was sick of it! I started getting angry. I was not going to let anyone, not even myself have a say in what happens to my future based on the past. I resolved that I would make some major changes in what was destroying my life. So I told my biological father that he better never talk to me again, and I threw away that cursed scale in the bathroom, and I cleaned the house top to bottom, and I went out with some friends, and I started looking for a new job. That is when I started seeing the path starting to open up with His mercy! I pray for you that whatever is ailing you so, that the Lord will open up the path to divine mercy and blessed joy! Don't let the enemy steal your joy, for his first attempt is to discourage your soul.

I am sitting crying, for what you have gone through.
You are a precious child of God.
Oh how He loves you all.

I can't type now, but I will keep you in my prayers.
This is for California Dreamin and Alex Seeker.

Let us all pray today, and keep praising Him.

love you all,
from rosie.
who prays no one should ever be abused in any way.

I choose to seek my own comfort because I feel none from Him.

I hear your desperation but truly, the Lord has done so with me and with many.

I am calling you out now from the desolate bondage of servitude to the evil which abounds. I have said I will make a way of escape for those who are Mine. That way is made plain through the heart of worship. As you worship and praise Me in the very midst of such darkness and evil, My power is released to bring deliverance from the hand of the enemy. I will indeed surround you and envelope you with the Angel of My presence and I will prepare a table before you in the very camp of your enemy.

My own will never be disappointed. The very occasioning of evil in your midst is in observation that I have allowed it in order that you may be tested and that I might be glorified. Do not fear the evil one who is rampaging among you as a roaring lion seeking to devour. You do not wrest with flesh and blood, but with the prince of the power of the air that works in the children of disobedience.

I have withheld My hand from him that he would be a tool to prove My own. Even as Job was proven through the granting of access by Satan into his life, so have I been proving you. I have been molding you into My image, which is the greater work of sanctification. Of a truth, the end of all such is that the reward be reckoned not of works, but by the righteousness which is by faith in Me. Boasting in works is excluded by the law of faith. I justify you by your faith and not by your works, so rest in the quiet and confident assurance that you are mine and no one can dislodge your union with Me.

Those among you who are bearing the burden of proof, I release you from your supposed duty, for the burden is mine and the proof of My love is in your salvation. True worship can heal any wound. My faithful wounded are called to be armor wearers, not armor bearers. Be strong in Me, and in the power of My might. My strength is made perfect in your weakness. Do not oppose the evil in your own strength. I am the standard bearer among you. I will lift up My hand as you put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. My name is Wisdom, and I walk in the highest integrity of the right application of knowledge. For my mouth shall speak truth; and wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing forward or perverse in them. They are all plain to him that understandeth, and right to them that find knowledge. Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold. For My wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it. Dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge.

I, the Lord hate evil: pride, and arrogance, and the evil way, and the froward mouth. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength. By me kings reign, and princes decree justice. Take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. You have thought that there is no armor for the backside, and rightly so, for My armor is an armor of advancement. The vulnerability which makes you prone to fall is caused by advancing upon the enemy in pride. Pride is the hardest enemy to see, and it always sneaks up behind you. In many ways, those who have been to the greatest heights are also those in the greatest danger of falling. You must always remember that in this life you can fall at any time and from any level to which you have attained.

Take heed, therefore when you think you stand, lest you fall. When you think you are the least vulnerable to falling, that is when you are the most vulnerable. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but I shall arise upon thee, and My glory shall be seen upon thee. Put upon you the mantle of humility and wear it's drab cloak tightly upon you, for it is in humility that no weapon formed may prosper, and every tongue confessing judgement is condemned. I am more close to the homeless than I am to kings.

You have true strength to the degree that you walk in My grace, as I give grace to the humble. As long as you wear the mantle of humility, you are immune to the weapons of warfare. The slings and arrows will have no effect upon you. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness, And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.

Therefore seeing you have this ministry, as you have received mercy, faint not. But renounce the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending yourselves to every man's conscience in My sight. But if My gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost: In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For you preach not yourselves, but Me, Christ Jesus the Lord; and yourselves servants for My sake. For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in your hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God as beheld in My face. But you have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of yourselves. You are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; you are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in your body My death, that My life also might be made manifest in your body.

For you which live are always delivered unto death for My sake, that My life also might be made manifest in your mortal flesh. You are clothed in the grace of God. There is no greater power. You are the dreaded champions, the sons and daughters of the King. I wore the mantle of humility when I walked on this earth. As long as you are clothed in that, there is no power in heaven or earth that can stand before you. My angels are My servants, but I abide in you, and you are clothed in My grace. Amen.

Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face? - Psalm 44:23-24


How can you see God when one hand is praying and the other is holding a beer can or a joint?

**inhale smoke and exhale** God where are you? while you wave your joint in the air. But he says where are you? you choose to depart from me when I reveal myself to you.

He has hidden His face because this is an act of testing our faith. And an act of faith is belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. If He shows Himself to you...what's the point of having faith?

Taken from Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey...HIGHLY recommend it

"IS God silent? If he is so concerned about our doing His will, why doesn't He reveal that more plainly? He had spoken His will for the Israelites
in a set of rules, codified into 613 laws that covered the complete range of behavior, from murder to boiling a young goat in it's mother's milk. Few people complained about fuzzy guidance in those days. But did a clear word from God increase the likelihood of obedience? Apparently not. "Do not go up and fight [the Armorites]," said God, "because I will not be with you. You will be defeated by your enemies." The Israelites promptly went up and fought the Armorites and were defeated by their enemies. They marched when told to sit tight, fled in fear when told to march, fought when told to declare peace, declared peace when told to fight. Why pursue God when He had already revealed Himself so clearly? Why step out in faith when God already guaranteed the results? Why wrestle with dilemma of conflicting choices when God had already solved the dilemma?

Is God hidden? Why doesn't he simple show up sometime, visibly, and dumbfound the skeptics once and for all? What happened when He did? He got killed but rose again. We want proof, evidence, and a personal appearance, so that the God we have heard about becomes the God we see. For a time God did show up in person, a man spoke to him face to face as he might speak with a friend. They met together, God and Moses, in a tent pitched just outside the Israelite camp. The rendezvous was no secret. Whenever Moses trudged over to the tent to talk with God, the whole camp turned out to watch. A pillar of cloud, God's visible presence, blocked the entrance to the tent. No one except Moses knew what transpired inside; no one wanted to know. The Israelites had learned to keep their distance. "Speak to us yourself and we will listen," they said to Moses. "But do not have God speak to us or we will die." After each meeting Moses would emergy glowing like a space alien, the people turned their faces away until he covered himself with a veil. There were few, if any, athiests in those days. No Israelites wrote plays about waiting for a God who never arrived. They could see clear evidence of God outside the tent of meeting or in the thick storm clouds hovering around Mount Sinai. A skeptic need only hike over to the trembling mountain and reach out a hand to touch it, and his doubts would vanish-----one second before he did. And yet what happened during those days almost defies beleif. When Moses climbed the sacred mountain stormy with the signs of God's presence, those people who ahd lived through the ten plagues of Egypt, who had crossed the Red Sea on dry ground, who had drunk water from a rock, who were digesting the miracle of manna in their stomachs at that moment---those same people got bored or impatient or rebellious or jealous and apparently forgot all about their God. By the time Moses descended from the mountain, they were dancing like heathens around a golden calf. God did not play hide-and-seek with the Israelites; they had every proof of his existence you could ask for. But astonishingly---and I could hardly beleive this rseult, even as I read it---God's directness seemed to produce the very opposite of the desired effect."

ALEX
Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys,
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him,
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
'How could you be so slow?'
'ALEX' He said,
'What could I do? You never did let go.'

When I read your questions immediately this poem came to mind, although you may not think it fits, I feel that it does.

YOU have to Give your life to God and let HIM fix you
Many of us had and still have broken lives and God wants to have a relationship with you, but that relationship TAKES TWO. Just talking to him is a start, ask HIM your questions FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART...do you REALLY want to be close to HIM? THEN get to KNOW HIM and WHO HE is ..........where can you find those answers? First grab your bible, pray LORD SPEAK TO ME THROUGH YOUR WORD AND I WANT TO KNOW YOU.....then read and read and pray and read..don't give up.

He knows you better than any and HE knows what YOU are capable of and HE knows you are capable of allowing yourself to BE CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST, HE WANTS you BROKEN first, so He can RENEW YOU, He wants to be YOUR KING and MASTER......for God said, "Man can not serve TWO masters"...are YOU your own Master, Or is GOD?

GOD BLESS YOU in your JOURNEY...........prayers are and have been lifted and willl continue for YOU and CHRIST JESUS to become ONE.

I my gosh, that was so awesome...

Blessings,
Signet

Alex..........ALEX........ALEX THE SEEKER.............

Can I just say one thing here and ONE THING ONLY.

Just a little advice........

Please get a KJV Bible......when you get one.......PRAY.

PRAY FOR GUIDANCE.....PRAY FOR WISDOM IN THE WORD........

What you are seeking is there....the only confusion you are encountering.........

IS NOT OPENING UP THE WORD OF GOD.

ONCE YOU HAVE ACCEPTED.....YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT WITHIN YOU.......


THE HOLY SPIRIT IS YOUR COMFORTOR.........]

THE COMFORTER WILL GUIDE YOU AND GRANT YOU THE WISDOM YOU SEEK.

ALWAYS OPEN UP AND READ THE WORD OF GOD.

BUT PRAY

PRAY BEFORE YOU READ.

PRAY FOR GOD TO GIVE YOU WISDOM.

PRAY THAT YOU NEED GUIDANCE.....

YOU WILL FIND SOOOOOO MUCH


IT IS AMAZING.

This confirms something for me this morning.

Mikki,

me, too.

thank you.
Signet

I am the same as alex. I feel so as he does