Repent blog : Ashamed is what I am.

By Martin Paul

I left myself to rot with my own greed and lusts, I became bitter and angst ridden. I turned from what was true and what had happened next had nearly ruined me for good, I was left blindsided with a big spiritual wound by a pack of lies and now I’m paying for my sins. 

If only I could of known better, I had ignorance and now I’m here being tormented by a devil every noon and night for all the sins I had committed .I hope god comes back, maybe I have been left here to suffer alone and this is my just deserts for what I had done and said. I hope I can be saved, I hope I can have faith and know love of God & Jesus again.

I say a pray and hope every night that the massive cloud of sin and doom moves away from over my head and that I can one day awake and hear God, the Holy Spirit & Jesus Christ once again.

I have seen the beasts face in my bedroom  looking on at me with glee, with horns upon it’s head with red skin and  it uttered no words and only laughed.I showed no fear and said that Jesus was saviour, then  I could hear a terrorising scream and it had gone. I almost sleep afraid at night, because I fear I may see it at the bottom of my bed and I hide my head behind my pillow. I sometimes wish I could sleep in peace forever, not wake to the madness in my daily life.  I hope I find the power in me to fight of this demonic entity which has harassed me for ten years of my life.

I feel alone and I want to live, I do not know how to move forward. Maybe It’s the fear what stops me?

Come back to me lord, take away this pain and these tears from my eyes and please heal me.

Save me Jesus.