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Subject: A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN (It's about time!)

TO ALL CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , FROM THEIR SOVEREIGN
MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH I
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over
all states, commonwealths, and territories except Kansas , which she does
not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up 'revocation' in
the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix
'-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary' ).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your
behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the
reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6.Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to
carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense
of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) - roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are
not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer
at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,
and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as
Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the
greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They
are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all
can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.
(Signed) ELIZABETH R.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Cream_Tea.jpg

A Cream tea, Devonshire tea or Cornish cream tea[1] is tea taken with a combination of scones, clotted cream, and jam. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cream_tea






http://eyesofthemadonna.blogspot.com/2008/...lizabeth-i.html

My Great Grandmother apparently made the most delicious tea cakes from what my mother told me.

As for the English Crown.....

Well....loosing hurts doesn't it?

I have to quote my favorite quote again....

Upon knowing that they were signing their death warrents when signing the Declaration of Independance....John Hancock said...

"There! Now the King can read my name without his spectacles and can double the reward on my head."

LOL.. good one CJ!

On my mother's side of the family (Irish) fought the British here in America......and were thrown in the Brig, but excaped, to fight them once again. They left Ireland, came here, and were eager to fight the British for HOME RULE!

Deep in the American, soul, I believe, is a place that will alway fight for "freedom".....theirs, or someone elses. It would have to take alot for Americans today to get real angry, and really fight back if someone tried to take over this country! They'd have to take all our guns away first. Which I see, may be coming down the road.

Speaking of the Queen. My sister-in-law went to Canada many years ago, and bought some Cuban cigars for the father-in-law.....and was told at the border that she had to surrender them to the Queen. So she said,"Okay" hold out your hands," and she took each cigar and crushed them into the border guard's hands....."Now you can give them to the Queen."

God Bless <><

Very funny, I especially liked the bit about "grouse", but this was so obviously written by a South African!