I heard about Christ at 12, and believed in him, but didn't really ask him into my heart. In my early 20s I fell away from the church. I wanted to have fun and see the world. I got pregnant a year or so later and had my first abortion. I was sure God would never forgive me. Over the next several years I had 2 more.
By 30 I was an alcoholic. By 40 a drug addict. I tried (seriously) to kill myself around my 40th birthday. I was in Florida living with my elderly mother and my boyfriend (also an addict) That was the year we had the 4 hurricanes and by the time all that was over I realized in the fall that I was pregnant.

Something in me kept saying "having this baby will save your life". We decided to clean up and have the baby. In February of 2005 our son Jacob was born. We did ok until my boyfriend left us when the baby was 6 mos old. I started using again and got arrested. I was so afraid my baby would end up in foster care or I would hurt him somehow that when he was 10 months old I put him up for adoption with a Christian family and planned to kill myself. I was completely devastated.

I don't know why but it was as if the Lord just scooped me up and brought me back to him. I ended up at a Rescue Mission and got into a Christian recovery program. We had chapel every night and for 4 nights in a row 4 different, unrelated pastors all gave a message on the prodigal son. I finally heard him. I gave my life and heart to him and started a relationship with him. He has been changing me alot, though I still have a long way to go.

Recently I moved to a Virginia to live with my sister who is a strong Christian. I have been looking for a job and my past just keeps getting in the way. I have been praying for guidance and favor and I get nothing. I'm getting scared and my faith that I thought was so strong is getting very weak. I would appreciate any advice and all the prayer I can get.

Thanks for listening.

You must preach woman - We are living in the last days and it is the Judgement of GOD who is sweaping the nations - everything that was prophesied in the Revelation is happening right now.

If you want to have a strong relationship with the LORD - from no on, be a keeper of the ten commandments and you go out there and READ from the Bible so that people can understand that they need what you have to be saved from Hell and damnation.

Dare to open your voice in public - and you will see that the Holy Spirit once again will wake up inside of you, and you will see and feel things that is just amacing.

God bless you.

Sister, I will stand with you.


Abba, I left my new found sister up, and am believeing that you are fully able to keep what great work you have started in her and see it to completion. She needs your help in seeing who she truelly is in you. Please open her eyes that she might see all the things you have been doing for her, and help her keep her eyes of the grass in anothers yard, for it isnt any better over there than being in your will for her life. You are moving her just where she needs to be, help her be happy in the moment by moment groth she is going through. In Jesus name, amen.

Sister, i am invalved in a recovering group for my church, if ever you want to talk to me, I am here. Just pm me and we can talk. Hugs sis!

First of all I want to say blessings to you dear sister in the Lord.

Next, I hope to encourage you by sharing with you a story that is a little similar to your own.

It was many years ago that I asked Jesus to save me, it was 1981 in a little town in Germany.

I was 18 years old and really didnt fully understand who Jesus was. I struggled for many years at trying to be "good" and trying hard to do what God wanted me to to do so that I would be living in obedience to Him and please Him.

I soon realized that all I was able to do was to fail. I couldnt ever be good enough to please Him so i gave up and began to live in continuous sin. I started to become involved with various drugs and alcohol and then I became involved with all forms of sexual sin. All of this went on for many years.

As the years rolled by, I became an expert at hiding all of my sins, all the while I had this faint memory in
my mind that would not go away! It was the Lord constantly convicting me and speaking to me telling me that I was in sin and that I needed to repent. Then, after years of all of this sinful activity, I repented (or so I thought) and tried again to please God and be a good person for Him.

I soon found out that I was so hooked on drugs and alcohol that I could not stop no matter what I did or what rehab that I entered. This went on for a number of years.

Then several years ago, I finally came to the very edge of it all and to the end of myself. I decided to end my life and then that would be it, no more dealing with trying to get off of drugs, trying to be good, or trying anything! I just knew that death was the only answer!

I drove to a secluded place where I would carry this out and found that God was waiting for me.

Bleeding from self inflicted wounds and becoming unconcious from a deliberate overdose, I heard His voice and knew that Jesus was speaking to me and telling me to trust Him. Soon I realized that I was in a helicopter en-route to a hospital. After arriving at the hospital, I kept thinking, why was I saved from this,
and why am I still alive? I still wanted to die!!!

Then I asked Jesus where He was at in all of this.. Immediately after saying those words in my own mind, I heard His voice again, He said "I never left you". After struggling with this voice that I heard, the Lord Jesus began to answer me as I spoke with Him and cried out to Him.

I begged His forgiveness for all that I had done and asked Him to show me what to do. One of the first things that He made me completely aware of, was the fact that what I was trying to do (kill myself) is why I
heard His voice so clearly then, He told me that what I needed to do was put "self" to death and that trying to kill myself physically was clearly not what He wanted me to do, but that it wsa a great illustration of how seriously He (the Lord) wanted me to put to death the old person that I was.

Trying to be accepted by being good was so wrong and it was something that God would not honor.
He would only honor me dying to self and being found in Christ His Son. My being good was not why Christ
died, He died so that His perfection and righteousness could be what God sees when He looks at me

When we try to make God accept us because we are being obedient or good, it is like a slap in God's face that says "Your Sons death wasnt enough, You should also accept me because Im good"
When I finally understood and truly repented of all of those things, that is when God made the changes in me, it wasnt me that did the miraculous work inside my heart!

It is no longer I that live, but Christ that lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. As the scripture goes!

After leaving that hospital, I trusted only in what Christ did on the cross and God took away those sinful desires for drugs and all the rest! I praise Him so very much and thank Him and lift His HOLY NAME UP HIGH!
Jesus truly has broken the chains of sin in my life and made me free!!

I pray that this encourages you and blesses you.

In CHrist alone!

Chris

Hi magpie,
Please ignore Togarma for the moment. Thanks for your testimony SFO. Great advice there.

You did not mention church. I know that you go to chapel services but you really should find a church in your local area and make sure you go every week. This might be hard as you will probably strike many of the prejudices which you experience looking for work. But usually once you have been a few times and have behaved yourself this should gradually die away. There is usually at least one person there who has been through what you have been through who will take you under their wing and be your advocate. If you can go to church with your sister that would be ideal.

Meet with the pastor and get some instruction in what it means to be a Christian. Obedience to God's laws and is certainly necessary. I would not be expecting God to wave a magic wand to make everything OK for you. This is not the way he works, he is not a genie in a bottle who says Yes Master to us when we rub the bottle.

Even now he is giving you immeasurable treasures. He is turning your heart to him, but he will be looking for a deep commitment from you to follow the Christian life for evermore. Also you mentioned faith. What does your faith rest upon. It seems that you have faith that God will rescue you out of the circumstances which your life is in. This is not Christian faith.

Christian faith is that Jesus the word of God became flesh and lived amongst us dieing for us so that our sins could be forgiven. Christian faith is that he was resurrected into the heavenly realm where he judges us and guards us to this day. Christian faith is that God will resurrect our mortal bodies into a beautiful new and fresh body at the return of Christ.

If you have faith in these things then you can manage without a job and without a family and without health and success. But without faith in these things then all the money, jobs, family, prestige in the whole world will not help you.

So all I can say is do you believe these articles of faith. If you do then find a church, find a pastor who will baptise you into the church. Say to God that even if you never have a job or a family that you are content with his promise of salvation. Commit yourself to that glorious future.

I have a sneaking suspicion that God will bless you beyond your comprehension, but we must carefully avoid making deals with God "You do this for me, and I'll do this for you" etc. As SFO said we must die to self and give up on all these things WE want and live entirely to serve God in obedience.

Also try to concentrate on the things you do have. You have a sister who has taken you into your home. What a wonderful blessing. Do everything you can to be positive and uplifting for your sisters sake. Help around the home and do your best to not impact her life too much. Try to stay away from the "woe is me" thought pattern especially around your sister. Go for lots of walks around the neighbourhood. Stop and admire the roses. Go at the same time each day. You will start to notice people and faces. Say hi to the old folk weeding in their front yards. Stop to chat with the guy walking his dog. Thank God for the sun which shines, for your eyesight so that you can see the flowers, for your hearing so that you can hear the birds sing. Notice how the plants burst with life after the rain. Watch for the rainbow in the sky.

While you are looking for a job try to find volunteer work as well. Walking dogs, visiting elderly. Work hard as though you are a servant of the Lord Jesus. Be punctual in your appointments. Get to bed early at night. Rise early in the morning. Exercise. Take time eat healthy food. See if there are any fruit picking jobs. Look for lowly menial jobs with simple folk. I think it is extremely positive and excellent sign that you left your old home to go to Virginia to be amongst Christians. This was like Abraham who left the idolatry of his own life to go and live in a new land away from all those old pagan influences. He then made great efforts not to adopt the practices of the people around about and to stay pure for God. In your new life I urge you to avoid all negative influences. Do not seek them out. Do not think about them. If you feel any temptation look away and keep walking. When Lot left Sodom and Gomorrah he was not even able to look back at his old life. His wife looked back and she was turned into a pillar of salt. Follow the example of Lot and not his wife and never look back at the things you enjoyed in your old life. Also the Israelites, God delivered them from Egypt and took them to a new place to teach them his ways, but all they could think of was the melons and figs they had enjoyed in Egypt. They forgot all the cruel slaveries and persecutions they suffered. Do not be like them but keep looking forward to the promised land. Perhaps these stories are all new to you. If so get some childrens or teens Bible stories to quickly brush up on the basics then you can progress to more adult material later. Start to try to identify with the stories of Israel and the church. These are our heritage as Christians and Christians identify with them more than they do the history and traditions of their own country. These stories all lead us to Jesus and his way and are a lamp to guide our path.


All the best with these things. Pray to God for faith, because this is the touchstone which starts the germ of growth in a new Christian. The light and water of the truth lands upon the dead seed and from deep within a germ of faith springs into abundant life. So it is said "Adam was made a living soul and Jesus was made a life-giving spirit".

Thank you for your story magpie. (and also SFO!)

God watches us.

Have you really made a decision that no matter what you are staying on this path?

Faith can't see the path but goes forward anyway.

Ever hear Martina McBrides song?



That's what faith and trust are. Don't worry about starting small. God will bring everything in time as he tests your faithfulness.

Thanks all for your acceptance and advice.

I guess I should have mentioned that I completed the six month program about a year ago. I worked at the mission for several months afterwards. I had about 15 months there total, time I believe God gave me to grieve for my son and to be "discipled". I got alot of great teaching there (and some not so great). I also made alot of mistakes and was corrected both by Christians and by God himself. It's been something of a "wild ride", and as a young Christian, I am still struggling with trusting in God and his innate goodness, and also with full surrender. Time and time again I have reached a place where I told him "I just can't do this!" and it seems that when I get to that point, and I am honest with him, a breakthrough happens.

I wonder why it works that way for me, when it seems like others are just able to submit. But God has shown me that I have to let him do the work, so I'm learning to stop trying to rush things and let him work in his way, in his timing. I am extremely impatient by nature and I think that's something he's been trying to work out of me.

anyway, I do go to church, but I still feel so much shame from my past that I have a hard time really getting involved. Learning to live by God's truth rather than my feelings...whew! that's a toughie.

Again, thanks for speaking the truth in love. God's people are just the best!

Here are a couple of verses from an old Hymn that says so much about how we live in Christ.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all
All to Thee my precious Savior
I surrender all.


Surrendering ALL to Jesus is really what the Christian faith is. By doing this, we are living by faith.
Its when we keep an area of our life to ourselves and in our control that we stop our own spiritual growth.

God doesn't want our left overs, He wants all of our heart, mind, soul and strength to be submitting to Him.

One of the reasons that so many Christians are weak in faith is that they are starving spiritually!
Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
also
Matthew 4:4
But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’”

Some will say that they just don't feel like reading the Bible, but it just doesn't matter what we want.
If that is the case then what I say is that its time for a little force feeding!

When I havent wanted to read and literally forced myself, are the times that I remember such incredible
blessings from reading! Such wonderful truth that God revealed in those times.

I agree with excubitor that we have to come to a place in our thinking that says "it doesn't matter if I have a
job or food or money or health, I will praise You and serve You anyway Lord!"

That is where God wants us to be, He wants us to trust and obey in ANY circumstance at all.

Just surrender Maggie the Magpie!! I love that name!!!!

Sincere blessings to you In Christ,
Your brother,
Chris

Magpie,

Thanks for your honesty! Hey, the Lord visited me a month before the tsunami and told me to stop drinking alcohol! Wow, I got really scared. He is getting serious with his followers and does not want a drunk bride, you know? I will never, never drink alcohol again because I know something bad will happen. The enemy always wants to throw your past back at you, but it is just such a downer. I mean, Christ knew all the sins we committed from birth to death when He was on that cross. Jesus can put road blocks up at those potentially bad decisions you are thinking about making. I had to cut out all my old friends. You know, being alone and being with God is better than being with people and being in a whole slew of problems. I have been arrested and I know what that feeling is. I never want that feeling again. I would rather work and be sober than to feel that bad about myself again. You are so worth it to have your self respect. Being drunk or whatever and always having to apologize to people or wonder what you did...or wondering where you put your wallet or purse, or wondering how you got home. Don't push the Lord too far bailing you out. There comes a day when He will let you stay in the mess and there is no way out until you die. It talks about in the Bible where those people who just cannot stop sinning, the Lord will take home. I believe it is because He does not want His children making a mockery of His name.

Oh Father Lord our God,

Only you are good. We beseech you to hearken to the prayers of your servant Magpie. We try and try once we have seen your ways and your path; But we stumble so much at the base of the mountain. If we were to walk up the mountain alone, surely we would not make it. But the mountain is but a small hill for you. You flatten out mountains with your word and towers fall at your servants feet.

Surely if it were not for the persistent effort of the enemy, we too would see that in the end, only your mountain will stand high and rivers of living water will flow from it. Lord so we can better walk in your ways, we ask that you flatten out these evil mountains, move them and cast them into the sea. By faith we appropriate what you have said that we too can tell mountains to move ye hence and they will move.

We know we can't do it alone; but in You all things are possible. Send forth your Holy Angels, for they are our guides when we walk through the valley between the dark mountains...have them clear the road, fight the enemy with flashing swords of diamonds...empower them to move the mountains for us when we speak.

These mountains are nothing for You if we know your principals...which is to humble ourselves to the LORD of Hosts who will then send out innumberable warrior angels to fight our fight for us. Lord you are able and we are weak. But when we are weak, you are strong. We have humbled ourselves in our weakness so we ask that our weakness will glorify You in your strength.....and that you will cast out the high places, and the groves, all the high towers of ahab, all the dark mountains of the prince of tyre, all the brambles and thorns of the wicked bird and will light our path with olive trees and living water, helping us to walk forward with ease in your ways. Give us a spirit of meekness and boldness. Meekness in that we only trust in you and boldness to know that with a thought, we can come to your throne and ask You to do what seems impossible and is impossible for us!

In Jesus Holy name,

Amen

It is not the length of the path that should frighten you, for the devil wants to discourage you.
Look who walks next to you, who is with you all of your days: Jesus!
Do not run for jobs one moment, and sit still, look at the sky and talk to your BEST FRIEND.
I do not think He ever scooped one up in vain =)

And when you are silent you can listen and hear Him.
Let Him show you the way =)