QUOTE
Enduring the Fiery Trial
April Selenskikh - 10/18/07
(Click here to listen to the audio version)
I had my in-laws visiting our family from Russia. It was very crucifying in many ways, even though I love them dearly and look forward to the day the Lord grants them repentance unto salvation. The Lord has used the trial of the experience to bring up many painful issues in my past, while submitting to a mild persecution. I wrote into UBM for prayer and counsel concerning this. I was then contacted by a godly elder who along with his wife discerned demonic oppression. I suspected this myself. Last Saturday via telephone I was delivered of unforgiveness, anger, bitterness and some other defiling spirits. Praise the Lord! I felt so joyful and peaceful afterwards. I was given the audio teaching Speak Grace, Not Condemnation.
The next day, however, brought about a fiery trial. Basically while visiting a local forest with the entire family -- 6 of us and my Russian in-laws -- my 2-month-old infant daughter fell out of the baby sling and landed on her head on an asphalt sidewalk. It was a mother's nightmare. Prior to this the warfare had already started and I was casting down darts of criticism and the anger and hurt that would well up in me. I was also nursing bitterness at my father-in-law who had corrected one of my children in a manner that I considered overly harsh. My husband did not agree with my perception and my flesh was rising up inside with anger and bitterness at both men. Someone began complaining, why hadn't I brought food? Why not MORE food? Struggling with my flesh, corralling 3 kids aged 5, 4 and 2 -- suddenly my 2-month-old falls out of the baby sling onto the asphalt, landing on her head and back.
Immediately I began confessing "You are ok. You are ok. Jesus has healed you," while physically shaking. Clearly the Lord had softened the fall and sent an angel or two to catch her because she appeared to land softly -- PTL. However, I was soon barraged with fear, guilt and anxiety. I felt incredibly weak, like I had no emotional or physical energy. I heard my in-laws talking and felt very condemned as a mother.
I kept confessing to the whole family that she was ok, and was casting down fear. I prayed for peace upon the in-laws that they would not fear. Inside, I felt horrible and guilty. Anna fell asleep for a bit and then my father-in-law asked me a question that I interpreted as critical of my parents and painful to me. I looked to my husband to get me out of this situation but he looked away. I answered the father and then railed at my husband. Why hadn't he defended me? He responded that it was a fair question and I was being too sensitive. He then counseled me to read the Bible more.
I refused to listen to his suggestion to back down and let it go and forced my will upon them. I insisted on explaining why this question was "wrong" and ended up with me in tears, the father threatening to leave the next day, and my husband angry at me. I was defending myself, condemning everyone else when the Holy Spirit got a hold of my tongue and told me to just stop before my sin made more of a mess than I had already. I became quiet and stewed in anger and unforgiveness...while casting down anger and unforgiveness with little success.
We got home and Anna woke up. It was apparent she was in a lot of pain. The attacks were unrelenting and I could barely hold on to faith. I opened the Word for direction and the following verses from 2 Cor. 4 jumped out at me:
5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 Seeing it is God, that said, Light shall shine out of darkness, who shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves; 8 [we are] pressed on every side, yet not straitened; perplexed, yet not unto despair; 9 pursued, yet not forsaken; smitten down, yet not destroyed; 10 always bearing about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life also of Jesus may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you. 13 But having the same spirit of faith, according to that which is written, I believed, and therefore did I speak; we also believe, and therefore also we speak; 14 knowing that he that raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also with Jesus, and shall present us with you. 15 For all things [are] for your sakes, that the grace, being multiplied through the many, may cause the thanksgiving to abound unto the glory of God. 16 Wherefore we faint not; but though our outward man is decaying, yet our inward man is renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is for the moment, worketh for us more and more exceedingly an eternal weight of glory; 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
My flesh was tempted to give her medicine but I did not want to save her myself by my efforts nor be out of God's provision and grace. I knew that salvation from the Lord is the only place of healing and safety and that I knew men could do nothing for us. My flesh was hoping my husband would make me take her to the hospital but the Lord gave him faith to withstand the pressure of his parents and not force us to go. "Do you want to go to the hospital?" He asked me only once. I was afraid to answer and confessed that "She's OK; the Lord has healed her." Thoughts of "you're being legalistic" plus the suffering of having your child in pain, plus my fear that the in-laws thought I was a bad mother, made this situation extremely painful. The verse came to me "Wherefore take up the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13) I had done all; there was nothing left for me to do. Just to wait on the Lord Who had already provided healing at the cross. (1 Peter 2:24)
Bombarded by fear, doubt, worry, condemnation, trying to keep my eyes on the Lord and not the symptoms, I stood up and started singing praise songs. I remembered Paul in jail -- in bondage they started praising God -- and He sent an angel to deliver them from what seemed like a hopeless situation. My emotions were under strong attack.
I got the thought to call David and did it, considering the severity of the injury. He prayed the prayer of agreement and spoke words of faith. I was then encouraged and edified by the whole UBBS study which was on faith, just what I desperately needed to hear. My friends and brethren prayed and encouraged me via IM on Paltalk, too. As I shared with them and they prayed, my sins came to mind: judging unsaved people, unforgiveness, accusation and rebellion against my husband. I started confessing and repenting of these sins as they came to mind. With a clear conscience, I was able to rest in faith for baby's healing.
During the Bible study we were given Scripture that came against the doubts and attacks of the enemy:
He giveth power to the faint; and to him that hath no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait for Jehovah shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)
For the vision is yet for the appointed time, and it hasteth toward the end, and shall not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)
I then went to bed in peace, Previously Anna had been crying most of the evening and unable to lie on her back and had to sleep semi-upright in her car seat. Thoughts kept coming to me about her dying in the night, or having broken her neck. Thankfully the Lord delivered me of them. The Lord was sovereign over every single detail of this trial and He gave the baby a good night sleep, as I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I told my husband, "I am at the very end of my physical and emotional strength right now. Everything else will be God's power."
I woke up at around 6:00am and laid the baby on her back, partially on a pillow. She did not cry. When she woke up the next morning I had peace and joy in my spirit because I knew she was healed of her injury. When she woke up I saw this healing completely manifested with Anna smiling at me, cooing and waving her arms. No sign of pain or injury.
Neither of my in-laws had slept very well, worrying about Anna. "How is she?" They asked. "Everything is great," I said in Russian. "Praise God!" my mother-in-law said. "Yes," I said, "Praise God." I wanted to say "God healed her" but I didn't know the word for healed and my husband wouldn't tell me at that time. Instead of rebelling, I kept quiet as he wanted, knowing that God must have another time to confess Him in this. I found out later that night that my father-in-law told my husband that "God had indeed healed her." This is an amazing confession of faith coming from a man raised in Soviet Russia. My husband also confessed that God had healed her. Later that night I was able to say the phrase "God healed her" to my mother-in-law. She smiled in agreement, not the usual railing against the Word.
Today I sensed an openness in my in-laws that was not there just one day ago. I praise the Lord for being sovereign over every single detail of this trial: healing my baby, giving me faith, delivering me from doubt and fear and sending believers to minister to me. Thank you Lord and thank you, brethren.
This is salvation by grace through faith. God gave me a gift of faith and grace, neither of which I had, and the end result was salvation, healing and deliverance from the curse. I was weak but His power, mercy, love and grace were enough, sufficient. I am very humbled and amazed by this trial and His indescribable gift of salvation.
1 When Jehovah brought back those that returned to Zion, We were like unto them that dream. 2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing: Then said they among the nations, Jehovah hath done great things for them. 3 Jehovah hath done great things for us, [Whereof] we are glad. (Psalm 126: 1-3)
April Selenskikh - 10/18/07
(Click here to listen to the audio version)
I had my in-laws visiting our family from Russia. It was very crucifying in many ways, even though I love them dearly and look forward to the day the Lord grants them repentance unto salvation. The Lord has used the trial of the experience to bring up many painful issues in my past, while submitting to a mild persecution. I wrote into UBM for prayer and counsel concerning this. I was then contacted by a godly elder who along with his wife discerned demonic oppression. I suspected this myself. Last Saturday via telephone I was delivered of unforgiveness, anger, bitterness and some other defiling spirits. Praise the Lord! I felt so joyful and peaceful afterwards. I was given the audio teaching Speak Grace, Not Condemnation.
The next day, however, brought about a fiery trial. Basically while visiting a local forest with the entire family -- 6 of us and my Russian in-laws -- my 2-month-old infant daughter fell out of the baby sling and landed on her head on an asphalt sidewalk. It was a mother's nightmare. Prior to this the warfare had already started and I was casting down darts of criticism and the anger and hurt that would well up in me. I was also nursing bitterness at my father-in-law who had corrected one of my children in a manner that I considered overly harsh. My husband did not agree with my perception and my flesh was rising up inside with anger and bitterness at both men. Someone began complaining, why hadn't I brought food? Why not MORE food? Struggling with my flesh, corralling 3 kids aged 5, 4 and 2 -- suddenly my 2-month-old falls out of the baby sling onto the asphalt, landing on her head and back.
Immediately I began confessing "You are ok. You are ok. Jesus has healed you," while physically shaking. Clearly the Lord had softened the fall and sent an angel or two to catch her because she appeared to land softly -- PTL. However, I was soon barraged with fear, guilt and anxiety. I felt incredibly weak, like I had no emotional or physical energy. I heard my in-laws talking and felt very condemned as a mother.
I kept confessing to the whole family that she was ok, and was casting down fear. I prayed for peace upon the in-laws that they would not fear. Inside, I felt horrible and guilty. Anna fell asleep for a bit and then my father-in-law asked me a question that I interpreted as critical of my parents and painful to me. I looked to my husband to get me out of this situation but he looked away. I answered the father and then railed at my husband. Why hadn't he defended me? He responded that it was a fair question and I was being too sensitive. He then counseled me to read the Bible more.
I refused to listen to his suggestion to back down and let it go and forced my will upon them. I insisted on explaining why this question was "wrong" and ended up with me in tears, the father threatening to leave the next day, and my husband angry at me. I was defending myself, condemning everyone else when the Holy Spirit got a hold of my tongue and told me to just stop before my sin made more of a mess than I had already. I became quiet and stewed in anger and unforgiveness...while casting down anger and unforgiveness with little success.
We got home and Anna woke up. It was apparent she was in a lot of pain. The attacks were unrelenting and I could barely hold on to faith. I opened the Word for direction and the following verses from 2 Cor. 4 jumped out at me:
5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 Seeing it is God, that said, Light shall shine out of darkness, who shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God, and not from ourselves; 8 [we are] pressed on every side, yet not straitened; perplexed, yet not unto despair; 9 pursued, yet not forsaken; smitten down, yet not destroyed; 10 always bearing about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life also of Jesus may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you. 13 But having the same spirit of faith, according to that which is written, I believed, and therefore did I speak; we also believe, and therefore also we speak; 14 knowing that he that raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also with Jesus, and shall present us with you. 15 For all things [are] for your sakes, that the grace, being multiplied through the many, may cause the thanksgiving to abound unto the glory of God. 16 Wherefore we faint not; but though our outward man is decaying, yet our inward man is renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is for the moment, worketh for us more and more exceedingly an eternal weight of glory; 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
My flesh was tempted to give her medicine but I did not want to save her myself by my efforts nor be out of God's provision and grace. I knew that salvation from the Lord is the only place of healing and safety and that I knew men could do nothing for us. My flesh was hoping my husband would make me take her to the hospital but the Lord gave him faith to withstand the pressure of his parents and not force us to go. "Do you want to go to the hospital?" He asked me only once. I was afraid to answer and confessed that "She's OK; the Lord has healed her." Thoughts of "you're being legalistic" plus the suffering of having your child in pain, plus my fear that the in-laws thought I was a bad mother, made this situation extremely painful. The verse came to me "Wherefore take up the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand." (Ephesians 6:13) I had done all; there was nothing left for me to do. Just to wait on the Lord Who had already provided healing at the cross. (1 Peter 2:24)
Bombarded by fear, doubt, worry, condemnation, trying to keep my eyes on the Lord and not the symptoms, I stood up and started singing praise songs. I remembered Paul in jail -- in bondage they started praising God -- and He sent an angel to deliver them from what seemed like a hopeless situation. My emotions were under strong attack.
I got the thought to call David and did it, considering the severity of the injury. He prayed the prayer of agreement and spoke words of faith. I was then encouraged and edified by the whole UBBS study which was on faith, just what I desperately needed to hear. My friends and brethren prayed and encouraged me via IM on Paltalk, too. As I shared with them and they prayed, my sins came to mind: judging unsaved people, unforgiveness, accusation and rebellion against my husband. I started confessing and repenting of these sins as they came to mind. With a clear conscience, I was able to rest in faith for baby's healing.
During the Bible study we were given Scripture that came against the doubts and attacks of the enemy:
He giveth power to the faint; and to him that hath no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait for Jehovah shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)
For the vision is yet for the appointed time, and it hasteth toward the end, and shall not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not delay. (Habakkuk 2:3)
I then went to bed in peace, Previously Anna had been crying most of the evening and unable to lie on her back and had to sleep semi-upright in her car seat. Thoughts kept coming to me about her dying in the night, or having broken her neck. Thankfully the Lord delivered me of them. The Lord was sovereign over every single detail of this trial and He gave the baby a good night sleep, as I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I told my husband, "I am at the very end of my physical and emotional strength right now. Everything else will be God's power."
I woke up at around 6:00am and laid the baby on her back, partially on a pillow. She did not cry. When she woke up the next morning I had peace and joy in my spirit because I knew she was healed of her injury. When she woke up I saw this healing completely manifested with Anna smiling at me, cooing and waving her arms. No sign of pain or injury.
Neither of my in-laws had slept very well, worrying about Anna. "How is she?" They asked. "Everything is great," I said in Russian. "Praise God!" my mother-in-law said. "Yes," I said, "Praise God." I wanted to say "God healed her" but I didn't know the word for healed and my husband wouldn't tell me at that time. Instead of rebelling, I kept quiet as he wanted, knowing that God must have another time to confess Him in this. I found out later that night that my father-in-law told my husband that "God had indeed healed her." This is an amazing confession of faith coming from a man raised in Soviet Russia. My husband also confessed that God had healed her. Later that night I was able to say the phrase "God healed her" to my mother-in-law. She smiled in agreement, not the usual railing against the Word.
Today I sensed an openness in my in-laws that was not there just one day ago. I praise the Lord for being sovereign over every single detail of this trial: healing my baby, giving me faith, delivering me from doubt and fear and sending believers to minister to me. Thank you Lord and thank you, brethren.
This is salvation by grace through faith. God gave me a gift of faith and grace, neither of which I had, and the end result was salvation, healing and deliverance from the curse. I was weak but His power, mercy, love and grace were enough, sufficient. I am very humbled and amazed by this trial and His indescribable gift of salvation.
1 When Jehovah brought back those that returned to Zion, We were like unto them that dream. 2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing: Then said they among the nations, Jehovah hath done great things for them. 3 Jehovah hath done great things for us, [Whereof] we are glad. (Psalm 126: 1-3)
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