My brother and sisters I want to share a personal testimony to you guys. I need to vent my emotions, pain, and burden. I thought to myself that I suffered enough pain and loneliness that I am immune to it. But my scabs and scars are always here. I hate crying but when theres so much pain in my life it would break me down. What I am about to show you is just a portion of my sorrow.
I grew up in the Philippines with my brother, my dad, my mom, and two uncles. When it came to living everyday we looked forward to my grandparents sending us money (they lived in the u.s.) or if that failed we would beg / borrow for food from neighbours. I spent my childhood days and up to this day not knowing my grandparents. Oh I wish to have known them more in my childhood and actually makes me wish I did grandson - grandma and grandpa things. We lived off noodles or raw egg, rice, and salt mixed together. Sometimes we would be blessed with good food. Our clothes were limited...I only had a pair of shorts, sandals,
sleeveless shirt, underwear with holes, and that would last me a year.
As a child I would experience my parents fight. At a young age of no more than 4-5 I would see my mother cry. My dad would lock her in the house (I don't know how my dad made it like that) and I would beg him to let my mom go out of the house. In fact I have very little memories of my mom and dad happy together...actually none. Don't get my dad wrong, he was a good dad. He treated me to mcdonalds every now and then and let me play on the playgrounds. I remember when my mom got angry at me, he took me to a nearby park and he would catch big dragonflies for me. And I would think he was so strong because he could catch such creatures. My dad never played with me and with the absence of my mom...I would resort to playing with toys. (So if your daughter/son plays with toys too much, that's a sign that you're not paying too much attention and that he/she is lonely and has to resort to imaginary things to keep company)
My mom left for Canada at the age of 6 because she has accepted maid work. She left a day before my 7th birthday. During our seperation I would write letters and draw pictures of our family together in Canada. My mom visited once in awhile but her departures were such burdens that I would cry straight for days, even in school. The only memory I remember of my dad, mom, brother, and I as a family were when we were all sleeping on one bed but I would kick my dad away cause he was trying to hug us all. This makes me cry to this day, wishing that I didn't kick him. Because if I hadn't I would have one memory that the family was not in bitter fighting, yelling, crying but rather a peace and unity.
Fast forward to when I was age 10 my mom took my brother and I to Canada and left my dad in the Philippines. We found out my mom cheated and now had a baby with her lover. They would sleep together with the baby in one room while she was married to my father. But I never knew this was the end for my family. I thought my dad would come and we would all live under the same roof. But I was young and naive. Not anymore than 2 months my parents filed for divorce. I remember my dad and mom talking on the phone, I picked up the other line and eavesdropped. At the age of 10 I heard them say its officially over, that they were divorced. I would always pray to God that they would get together but I was naive.
My dad would always call us every 10 minutes wanting to talk to his children. We would see him every weekend but I think at times if this had not happened. I would see him everyday and he would see me grow. But that's not how it was. Weekends turn into two weeks, then once every month. Now he barely calls. So I just want to share this as a testimony and a warning. Don't neglect your kids, try your hardest to keep your marriage because you don't know the pain and loneliness it will cause your kids, spend time with them and let them know youre there. My relationship with my dad is not perfect and I'm sad about that. I wish he would have seen my grown and even now. God bless you all.

Maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that you are not the only one to go through this kind of stuff and that not every child who has parents that are somewhat neglectfull gets filled with pain over it.

I didn't.

My mom and dad divorced before I was old enough to remember him being around. We saw him every other summer for years and I enjoyed the time with him but it didn't tear me apart or cause me great distress. We never had much to eat either and I remember eating a lot of bread with sugar on it or going to the neighbors to beg some food; hard for a single mom to raise three boys without a steady job or a dad. I also remember digging through piles of dirty clothes trying to find something which would fit and pass for clean enough to wear to school without getting laughed at and made fun of for being so poor and dirty. I had no friends in school, none, I was the proverbial nerd.

And that in America my friend; so when everyone thinks America so blessed... not more than any other. I've been to the Philipines twice and it wasn't much different than here in America. In my Navy time I visited many, many countries and the thing that most surprised me is how similar they all were, very similar; even countries considered third-world. We all have our poor, our rich, the downtrodden and the lifted-up, the oppressed, the free.

Yes, I sometimes wish I had a dad to teach me how to be a father to my children and I have even found myself mad at him for not being there... but, despite his not being there I still grew up strong and well adjusted; I have a wife a three daughters who play with toys all the time; they love them, they have great imaginations. And, they love playing with me too.

In times when I miss my dad I just think what a wonderful Father I have in Heaven and that perhaps if my dad had stuck around I may not be so close to my heavenly Father. Because, my friend, your Father in Heaven is much better that 100 fathers in the flesh.

I do agree that we should strive harder for our marriages and our children and put away unforgiveness because that is the source of most all marital issues; the inability to forgive. The best thing you can do in any argument with your spouse is to take the offence.

Forgive without sorry.
Admit you were wrong and apologize when you were right.
Forget the offence forever.
Apply the balm before the sun sets.

A final thought... it seems your pain is all rooted in the past but you are here now, those things are gone and your life is here and now. Satan will keep you bound-up in dispair and self-loathing for the way you grew up but you need to resist him and forgive your parents, we are all subject to like passions and evils.

Put away the sorrows of your past and live for to day for aren't the evils of every day hard enough to get through without all that old baggage?

Lighten the load Lemuel.