Yesterday, I was mowing grass and talking to God. I make a point to tell Him everything. Even things He did that I feel were unfair to me. I don’t do these kinds of things to show anger, like I know what is better for me, but for this summer, my husband and I had bought all this stuff to start mowing lawns for a living because there is a lot of money to be made doing this kind of work here.
We had really thought this career move would end our living payday to payday. After many years of hardship, it was hard for us to see others live in outright sin, having cars and houses and things they needed and wanted, while we were not able to have a car ourselves, or a house of our own, and while all that time they were shunning us or judging us.
At the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I wanted to have our children to have a mother at home, and not have others raise our children for money. We knew that it would be very hard on us, which we would have to go without.
So the other day, I was telling God that it wasn’t fair that He would tell my husband to take it all back to Home Depot; I was brokenhearted. We are living on cheap pasta each month until he gets paid. If our truck broke down, we wouldn’t have the money to get it fixed. Right now it is starting to have problems running right.
I am struggling with one ministry God gave me; right now it doesn’t look like it is going to be a success; as for my husband’s, job is our main source of income, but I feel he should write godly songs for God’s glory and not to the world. Another ministry God gave me is similar to my husband’s.
I don’t know why this is allowed to happen with us, so yesterday, I was pouring it all to my heavenly Father, when all of a sudden, a series of pictures came to my head, like a slideshow. All I understood is that it all happened to us for a reason and for our good. Now I understand that had we started mowing lawns, we would have made money and got out of debt, but we would not have fulfilled the calling God gave both of us; in other words, God would not have received the glory, plus we would not be where God wanted both of us to be.
I know that my place is at home with my child, and that my career is what God chose me for, success or no success. My husband and I talked about our mutual situations yesterday and he was wondering about it as well.
I was thinking that since God brought us here, He should supply all our needs, allowing us to live here. The cost of living where we live is so shockingly high!
I know that what I want is not a lot. I know that my God is fully able. He even let me know by reminding me of the promise He made me years ago, (when all the judging started from others), that He would be the One that would get me the car I wanted, and the house I wanted. He told me that again. He also told me that He sees what I am going through and that He will take care of it, all in the same night. I know for sure that brothers and sisters that God loves us deeply. He craves to give us good things, and He is so much better at it then we are.
Waiting is the key. His timing isn’t mine, and thanks God for it.