They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: These sentences actually appeared
in
church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa , will be speaking tonight at
Calvary
Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from
Africa .
* * * * * * * * * * *

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* * * * * * * * * *

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* * * * * * * * * *

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* * * * * * * * * *

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
* * * * * * * * * *

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.
* * * * * * * * * *

Don't let worry kill you off......let the Church help.
* * * * * * * * * *

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
* * * * * * * * * *

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
* * * * * * * * * *

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has
requested tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
* * * * * * * * * *

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing,
"Break Forth Into Joy."
* * * * * * * * * *

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church
and
so ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* * * * * * * * * *

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
* * * * * * * * * *

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* * * * * * * * * *

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
* * * * * * * * * *

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* * * * * * * * * *

Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
* * * * * * * * * *

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* * * * * * * * * *

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment & gracious hostility.
* * * * * * * * * *

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
* * * * * * * * * *

The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* * * * * * * * * *

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.
is
done.
* * * * * * * * * *

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast
next Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * *

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
* * * * * * * * * *

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited
to
attend this tragedy.
* * * * * * * * * *

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* * * * * * * * * *

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"


Oops! I'll say that quite a few people were embarassed over these.

I love those. I have seen them before, but they never get old. I don't know why, but I think the "break forth into joy" one is the funniest.

QUOTE

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing,
"Break Forth Into Joy."

hillarious

That's funny