My Encounter With Jesus
Posted 17 October 2007 - 02:48 PM
I grew up in a really religious family. We attended church faithfully. I had heard about God and Jesus all my life….but I didn’t really know Him. I prayed every night…and when my father was dying when I was eighteen, I would go to the chapel at the hospital and cry out to God to supernaturally heal him.
Losing him was devastating to me. I felt like my security blanket was gone. After my dad died….I took my savings and traveled around the country a bit. I was partying and putting myself in some potentially dangerous situations. I was running from all the pain. I went from LA to Texas (where I met my future husband) to Boston and then back to Texas.
I took a bus the last time I was going to Texas and I had this one woman minister to me. She talked to me for awhile and then asked me if I wanted to accept Jesus as my personal savior. I said yes…but felt like people were watching and didn’t feel comfortable praying on this crowded bus. I also didn’t feel like my heart was in it. But at least a seed was planted is the way I look at it.
When I got to Texas...I didn’t feel convicted when I decided to live with my boyfriend. We got a small apartment and were living together with no thought to the sin we were committing.
I was really close with one of his best friends and to make a long story short, he and I got even closer. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and moving to Ft. Worth were this other friend and I could be closer so we could date.
I ended up getting pregnant. I was terrified to have a baby at this point in my life and the father was moving up in the military and he didn’t want a baby either. And we both knew that we didn’t have plans to marry at the moment. So I decided to have an abortion. It sounded like it wasn’t that big of a deal and then my problems would be over.
I made the first appointment and the day of the appointment I was at the base seeing my friend. I remember looking at the time and knowing I had to leave in order to make it on time. But I just couldn’t make myself go. I was not looking forward to the procedure and what it was going to do. So I decided to miss this one.
I made a second appointment….and that day I was out at the mall shopping and was watching the time and had it in my head how long it was going to take me to drive to the clinic….so I was giving myself enough time. But as the minutes ticked away…I kept thinking of other things and tried to get my mind off of it. I was having a difficult time making myself go knowing that I was going to end my childs life. So I intentionally missed this one too.
I made a third appointment….I was determined to make sure I didn’t miss this one. And this day I was at the health club and I had finished working out and was sitting in the hot tub. I saw a sign by the hot tub telling you that if you were pregnant to be warned that the hot water could cause possible damage to the fetus because of the temperature. I just sat down in the water when I read the sign and I thought…I guess it doesn’t matter because I’m about to have an abortion. I must have sat there for about three minutes and every moment I was feeling more guilty that I was harming this baby. I stood up so that my stomach was not in the water anymore and I sat on the edge for a bit thinking…..if I am bothered this much by a hot tub hurting the baby…then how could I live with myself if I had an abortion.
To make this long story short….I had the baby and ended up breaking up with his father and going back to my previous boyfriend/future husband.
But after giving him up for adoption….the devil used that to torment me. I was hearing a baby crying in my ears when I would try to go to sleep at night. It was not a loud obvious cry, but like a distant sound.
I remember waking up at night and saying….”don’t you hear that?” He would say, “I don’t hear anything.” I remember asking the neighbors next to us one day if they had a baby and they said no. I knew it was just all in my head….but I still felt tormented.
One night when my boyfriend was at work….I could not stop crying. I just wanted to die. I was so sad because I was missing my child.
I remember crawling out of bed and falling on my knees and crying out to Jesus. I truly repented at that point for all my sins and asked Him to forgive me and come into my heart. I had remembered praying that part with the woman on the bus.
I felt a warmth go from the top of my head to the souls of my feet. I also remember that the little loft apartment we lived in was completely dark. There was a storm going on outside and there was no light. But I remember that I opened my eyes to see if a light had come on because as I was basking in the moment….even though my eyes were closed, it was like I was looking at the sun and the light was shining through my eyelids.
The empty pit in my stomach left and I felt like the Lord was really there with me, holding me.
I have never been the same since.
Nobody can tell me Yeshua is not the Messiah and Son of God.
I may not have all the wisdom that some do….and I need to learn more…but I can tell you what he did for me. He healed me and saved me when nothing else could.
Praise His holy name.
Posted 17 October 2007 - 03:03 PM
Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing all of this.
Its truly amazing when you know that you know that you know, who He truly is, when He truly reveals Himself to you. When He does this, and makes your heart His dwelling place, He brings the change, and it is quite a difficult thing to make someone else (who does not have the Son) understand.
So thankful for what He has does as well.
We have been accepted by God so that we may live Holy.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
Posted 18 October 2007 - 07:37 AM
John 10: 27-30
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psa. 119: 105
Posted 18 October 2007 - 01:44 PM
And Miki....I hope your right.
My son turned eighteen this past July. I pray that I get the chance to talk to him before the rapture.
I know my sn sounds like I am a young person in my twenties.....but I am a single parent in college of two teenagers.
When I first joined a forum I was trying to think of a name to use and we had just watched the movie ..You've Got Mail.
And in the movie Meg Ryan used the sn Shopgirl.
So I thought about it and then came up with the sn Collegegirl. I had no idea that it was so widely used.